Astro Presents: Wrath of the Black Prince!

[Prince Auron Nymeros Martell]

-Press Start-

>*Screenshot of stereotypical white male peasant against the backdrop of a wooded path*

"Oh! Pardon for bumping into you on this long and winding road to King's Landing! My eyes are going in my old age!"

1: "Oh, fear not, brother, for I am but a weary traveler myself, tasked by the Most Devout to minister to a small Sept in the Crownlands."

2: "I piss on your eyes, old man! If you were one of my father's servants, I'd have you flogged here and now!"

3: "The error is mine. I have only been anointed a fortnight and I fear my senses are not as keen yet as they should be."

4: "Oh, well, that's convenient, mate! You'll hardly miss your coin then. Hand it over!"

5: "And mine were buried in this tome! I am so dreadfully worried the Citadel did not properly prepare me for my new appointment!"

[King Artys V Arryn]

1.

[Prince Auron Nymeros Martell]

(Jon)

> *Screenshot of visibly relieved peasant*

"Oh, thank the Mother! I feared you were one of the Black Prince's bandits! Since Good King Robert disinherited his son Joffrey, he and his men have pillaged this region out of spite and malice! You must be weary, for Joffrey is known to favor no higher power but his appetite for suffering!"

1. "Ahh... Yes, we Sparrows are well acquainted with the tales of his whore mother. It was a blessed day she and her accursed spawn were driven out."

2. "Perhaps, but I believe there is still goodness in all men and women. Perhaps Joffrey will find enlightenment separated from the temptations of court."

3. "I was a knight in my old life, before I committed unforgivable deeds during Robert's Rebellion. My lord saw my actions as just, but I know in my heart the Seven did not. If Joffrey does not seek absolution, he is no more than a wild animal. I will pray for his soul, but I will pray harder for his opponent's."

[King Artys V Arryn]

2.

[Prince Auron Nymeros Martell]

(Jon)

> *Screenshot of visibly relieved peasant*

"Well, that's a noble sentiment, but you may be better off taking shelter for the night. The Grumpkin's Delight is but an hour's walk down the road, and they would surely offer free room and board to a septon."

1. "I appreciate your advice, and will not shame your generosity by denying it!"

2. "It's not a brothel, is it? I'm not that sort of septon..."

3. "It's not a brothel, is it? Not that I'm a Sparrow or anything, just, you know... curious."

4. "It's not a brothel, is it? I torched the last one in a fit of righteousness. As the flames rose and the whores roasted in their sin, I swore I would never set foot in another den of iniquity."

5. *mumble prayers of relief to the Maiden while idly checking your remaining coin*

[King Artys V Arryn]

3.

[Prince Auron Nymeros Martell]

(Jon)

> *screenshot of visibly embarrassed peasant*

"Not a brothel, no, certainly not licensed by the Crown... but it is well reputed for the friendliness of its working staff. Miss Margaery, the owner, used to work in one of those big fancy King's Landing brothels owned by the old Master of Coin."

1. "Well, it is not my place to judge the past or present circumstances of other lives. All I seek is a warm bed to rest my head upon, and a bowl of hot stew."

2. "I'd rather sleep under the tree's branches than sup with harlots."

3. "Well, I don't approve of such activities, but if they're kind to wayfarers, they can't be all that wicked..."

4. *mumble prayers of relief to the Maiden while idly checking your remaining coin*

[Lucion Lannister]

4

[Prince Auron Nymeros Martell]

(Chris)

> *screenshot of terrified peasant*

"Oh mercy, I have nothing! I'm just a poor woodsman! I was merely checking my rabbit traps! I apologize for offending the Black Prince, I'm sure he'd have made a great King!"

1. "Come off it, mate, I'm just taking the piss. I only rob the rich and the... well, not quite as rich, but certainly richer than our lot! But what's this about a Black Prince? I don't look like no stiffneck, do I?"

2. "Well, clearly you should have been a more enterprising woodsman in your past life." *brandish sharp knife* "And I know there ain't no civil war on, so who you think you fooling with this Black Prince bollocks?"

3. "Nah, you're dandy, mate. Brotherhood without Banners, scouting out reports of banditry. Thought you might be in the employ of an old nemesis. But I know nothin' of any Black Prince. Another civil war on already?"

***********

(Zack)

> *Screenshot of visibly relieved peasant*

"Oh, thank the Mother! I feared you were one of the Black Prince's bandits! Since Good King Robert disinherited his son Joffrey, he and his men have pillaged this region out of spite and malice! You must be weary, for Joffrey is known to favor no higher power but his appetite for suffering!"

1. "Ahh... Yes, we Sparrows are well acquainted with the tales of his whore mother. It was a blessed day she and her accursed spawn were driven out."

2. "Perhaps, but I believe there is still goodness in all men and women. Perhaps Joffrey will find enlightenment separated from the temptations of court."

3. "I was a knight in my old life, before I committed unforgivable deeds during Robert's Rebellion. My lord saw my actions as just, but I know in my heart the Seven did not. If Joffrey does not seek absolution, he is no more than a wild animal. I will pray for his soul, but I will pray harder for his opponent's."

[Lucion Lannister]

3

[Prince Auron Nymeros Martell]

(Chris)

> *screenshot of visibly relieved peasant*

"Oh, that was a mean bit of sport, ser! Most ungodly! But no, I don't stoop to workin' for no nemesis types! And I'm surprised the Brotherhood don't know yet. Good King Robert has disinherited his son Joffrey, who takes his displeasure out on the Small Folk in this area."

1. "Joffrey! Of course the rabid puppy would be let out of the kennel! I've been chasin' his man Gregor up and down the Riverlands! Perhaps he's run back to his master for playtime..."

2. "Joffrey, eh? Well, none of my business. I was hunting a little weasel called Littlefinger. Probably hiding somewhere in the Free Cities by now, anyway..."

3. "Called it! Thoros owes me a dragon now, he does!"

[Prince Auron Nymeros Martell]

(Zack)

> *screenshot of somber peasant*

"Regardless, I thank you for your service, Ser. I was a squire meself, but my knight didn't survive the Battle of Stag's Mount, and I had my stomach of blood as well. If you're interested, the Grumpkin's Delight is also prone to showing respect for veterans, as well as servants of the Seven. Only an hour's walk down the road, you'll find it!"

1. "I appreciate your advice, and will not shame your generosity by denying it!"

2. "It's not a brothel, is it? I'm not that sort of septon..."

3. "It's not a brothel, is it? Not that I'm a Sparrow or anything, just, you know... curious."

4. "It's not a brothel, is it? I torched the last one in a fit of righteousness. As the flames rose and the whores roasted in their sin, I swore I would never set foot in another den of iniquity."

5. *mumble prayers of relief to the Maiden while idly checking your remaining coin*

[Lucion Lannister]

1

[Prince Auron Nymeros Martell]

(Zack)

> *screenshot of terrified peasant*

"Uhr... no, Your Holiness, it's just an inn. I mean it's not a licensed brothel or anything, but the maids might flirt, but its just harmless titillation for the big tippers. I'm certain they would not sully your presence with such, uhm... iniquity."

1. "I'm pleased to hear it. I cannot account for the Stranger's will though, so be warned, good stranger."

2. "We live in a fallen world, friend, where women must at least appear to live in sin so they might survive. Still, I will sup with anyone who shows due deference to the Seven."

3. "I take your word, but perhaps a sermon may serve them well. In the morning though, when I have sated this other nagging void in my gut."

[Mortifer the Monstrous]

5